i think it´s time to reanimate this blogspot a little bit...so i start with a post that i wrote for my official homepage a few days ago. i hope you can stand my mourning...

looking back at the past 12 month i have to say: it was the hardest challenge i ever had in my life. i am not quite thru this valley of shit, but i see the light, i am almost there. life will be good again.

the shit started in may 2009, i got terrible pain in my back, so bad i wasn´t able to do my job at the kindergarden anymore. i went from doctor to doctor. they didn´t find what caused the pain. the pills they gave me where useless, the shots they gave me where doing nothing...the pain was not going away, it got worse. my leg was "out of order" i was hardly able to walk...and doctors told me it was psychosomatic.

hell! i don´t have this fucking pain in my brain! i went to the shrink but i felt so badly wrong sitting there with a guy who doesn´t really care about me...i have friends i can talk to, i thought , what am i doing here? sure i have some issues, but they are not related to my back.

then finally one doctor made a CT and found out that i have a very badly slipped disc in my spine that hurts the nerves...or so, i´m not a doctor...

this is it, my bad back:

i was kind of glad to know now what it was, to be absolutely sure that i´m not crazy or that i do not have cancer, because that was one of the scary thoughts wandering thru my brain...they don´t find out , what if i have cancer?

yes, stupid, i know....but this pain is so bad, really...like knifes cutting in your veins...even if you do not move...

well, then i had to go to surgery in november 2009. yes, gladly everything went well. thank god. the beast of pain was leashed.

now i´m recovering since then...a lot of shit also happened at my work...very complicated stuff, too much for the web and i´m not quite sureif i´m allowed to talk about it at all.

fact is, i am broke. hahaha, yes i know this is not new to you, but more broke than before which i didn´t know was possible but it is.

i hope to work until the end of this month i a new kindergarden with older kids i don´t have to lift up and carry around, i´m looking forward to it . i need some regular life now! a regular income. i lost so much money in the past month because i wasn´t able to work. yes health insurance is good here in germany, better than in some other places, but it´s still bad if you loose 200,- € or like now 400,- € every month.

but it will be better, i hope.

on the art side: i cancelled the childrens book project because my brain wasn´t able to create something nice and pure and innocent. my brain was to busy with unlikely stuff.

i will soon create a new DIY ArtBook together with my dear friend sunflowerdagger. it´s all in my brain but it´s not ready yet.

i need a new printer, my printer is too old.

i´ll paint a big canvas for a customer in the usa soon, i´m excited and i wanna start!!!

but i have no car so i still wait for a friends reply if she helps me to buy the huge canvas and transport it to my home...

the biggest challenge will the packing and shipping rbing, but later to that...

ignore typos and wrong english, i´m german ;)

i thank everyone who lifted me up with nice comments

and i thank everyone who supported and bought my art and trusted in me.

thank you from the bottom of my ♥